astral astros

Do not ask questions of fairy tales.
-Jewish proverb

I commend scoutfinch for braving the Astros' woes in the World Series. I have not yet been able. My beloved team lost in the minimum number of games, and when they dropped that fourth one last Wednesday, I turned off the television and went to bed, determined not to wake up again until next season. I felt the same way in April when the Rockets suffered one of the worst defeats (19 points) in NBA playoff history in the first round against the Lakers. I even tore my picture of T-Mac off my door, crumpled it up, and threw it against the television in frustration. A wise friend later convinced me to fish the picture out of the trash, re-post it on my door, and forgive the Rockets. So, I need to try to do the same for the Astros.

And yes, I was disappointed and frustrated with them, despite their accomplishment of clinching the first World Series berth in their history. Of our fearsome pitching staff--consisting most notably of Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, and Roy Oswalt--only the relative unknown Brandon Backe got the job done during the series, giving up only 5 hits and no earned runs in 7 innings of Game 4. It was lights out for "Lights Out" Brad Lidge, our once unbeatable closer, who blew two saves. And, with runners in scoring position, our lightweight offense, in the words of llschoolj, "couldn't buy a hit with a coupon at the grocery." Maybe it was just the White Sox's year to win. (And until the Cubbies win next year, I can't be sure.) Or maybe it was the expectations. The Astros were the trendy pick to win it all, the kiss of death for any Texas team. I'm not crying curse, but damn, sometimes it's hard to be a Houston sports fan.

Compounding my heartbreak was the evidence I saw all season of a cosmic Jewish force at work in this team. It began just before the All-Star Break, with Ausmus's go-ahead R.B.I. single. The Jew went on to hit .301 in July, .310 in August and .286 in September, substantial improvement from his pre-Break .180 average. Then, in the NLDS-clinching Game 4 against the Atlanta Braves, Ausmus knocked the game-tying home run in the bottom of the ninth. Of course, this hit occured during the now-infamous longest postseason game in MLB history. It was no accident, I believe, that the game lasted 18 innings. In Hebrew numerology, the word chai, "life," has a value of 18 (chet, 8 + yod, 10) and is a central concept in Judaism. The typical Jewish toast is l'chayim, "to life," and donations to charity are regularly given in multiples of 18.

Then there is the matter of the two honorary Jews, Lance "Leonard" Berkman and Morgan "Moishe" Ensberg. Both have reasonably Jewish-sounding last names, and I was at first convinced that Berkman was Jewish because it seemed that "Hava Nagila" played at his every at-bat. But it turns out that someone at Minute Maid Park just really likes this song. Lance became "Leonard," Morgan became "Moishe," and the two performed better when I yelled for them by their nicknames. And before all you non-sports fans scoff in disbelief, I would just like to point out that baseball is one of the most highly superstitious sports. One of my friends is convinced that his timely Israeli dancing contributed to the Red Sox's win in the World Series last year. In addition, it is not uncommon to cheer for your players by an affectionate moniker of your own making. Meggiefreshh, for instance, exorts Manny Ramirez during his at-bats by calling him "Manuel" (with proper Spanish accent, of course).

Despite the auspices, though, the Astros lost. Maybe it was the fact that Ausmus played in Game 1 of the NLCS on Yom Kippur. I was really disappointed with his choice, and it turned out that his participation wasn't even necessary because the Astros lost anyway. (I didn't watch--I only found later, after I returned from shul.) In stark contrast was the historic decision of Dodger lefty Sandy Koufax not to pitch in Game 1 of the 1965 World Series (and thus a more important game than the one in which Ausmus did participate). Koufax fasted, went to shul, and became an inspiration to an entire generation of young Jewish sports enthusiasts. And this traditionalism continues even today: this year Washington Capitals' captain Jeff Halpern declined to play in the game scheduled on October 12.

Now, I don't really think G-d punished the Astros for Ausmus's poor choice. I guess a World Series title just wasn't in the Jewish stars of the Lone Star State.